Favorite Quotes

"People who claim they're evil are usually no worse than the rest of us. It's people who claim that they're good, or any way better than the rest of us, that you have to be wary of. "
— Gregory Maguire (Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West)

"The greatest happiness in life is the conviction that we are loved - loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves."
- Victor Hugo

"Sooner or later the day comes when you can't hide from the things you've done" -Battlestar Galactica

Playing dress up in Salem, MA

Playing dress up in  Salem, MA


Love the Iowa Hawkeyes!


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Thursday, November 3, 2011

I am still alive!

So it has been a while since i blogged.  Last blog i told you of all the stomach issues that i am having and how the doctor wanted me to have another surgery as he feels all my issues were due to the band.  He wanted me to have gastric bypass.  Well i made an appointment in Coulumbia Missouri to see Dr Del Torre.  The next day i lost my job...not only did i lose my job, on the way home i got into a car wreck and totaled our car.

Well i am recovered and now working two part time Jobs.  One at Hardees and the other is at a store called Herbergers that i have worked part time at for sometime.  I had to cancel my appointment because we just do not have the money to go down there or really even for our copay.  So everything is on hold.

I really feel like everything is falling out of control.  I have no fluid in my band, meaning i have ZERO restriction and to make it worse i have been so depressed over the job loss....it was the first time i have ever lost a job!  And also so depressed over not being able to find another full time job.  I just feel lost and like everything is out of my control.  And what do i always do when i am depressed???  You guessed it.  I eat.  I have put on 15 pounds.

To try to combat that for the time being i joined a website WWW.SparkPeople.com They have nutrition trackers and fitness trackers.  You get a spark page that is kinda like facebook for spark members.  There are all sorts of teams you can join.  I even joined an online book club.  I started following their calorie guidelines a week ago and have lost some of the weight.  This is just going to have to do until we can afford for me to go back to a doctor.

Some days my stomach still kills me.  I am taking omeprazole 2 times a day to combat that and the surgeon in Kirksville gave me some antibiotics to help the gastritis .  So that is where i am.  I will be posting on here as it seems to help me keep on track if i write down things.

That being said there are some members of mine and my husbands family that i do not talk to about this stuff at all.  My older sister gave me the i told you so speech when i started having issues.  She was never supportive of me to begin with.   As for my husbands family, i love them to pieces but i do not feel comfortable talking to them about this issue.  I just always feel like i am being judged.  That does not help anyone.