Favorite Quotes

"People who claim they're evil are usually no worse than the rest of us. It's people who claim that they're good, or any way better than the rest of us, that you have to be wary of. "
— Gregory Maguire (Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West)

"The greatest happiness in life is the conviction that we are loved - loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves."
- Victor Hugo

"Sooner or later the day comes when you can't hide from the things you've done" -Battlestar Galactica

Playing dress up in Salem, MA

Playing dress up in  Salem, MA


Love the Iowa Hawkeyes!


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Thursday, November 3, 2011

I am still alive!

So it has been a while since i blogged.  Last blog i told you of all the stomach issues that i am having and how the doctor wanted me to have another surgery as he feels all my issues were due to the band.  He wanted me to have gastric bypass.  Well i made an appointment in Coulumbia Missouri to see Dr Del Torre.  The next day i lost my job...not only did i lose my job, on the way home i got into a car wreck and totaled our car.

Well i am recovered and now working two part time Jobs.  One at Hardees and the other is at a store called Herbergers that i have worked part time at for sometime.  I had to cancel my appointment because we just do not have the money to go down there or really even for our copay.  So everything is on hold.

I really feel like everything is falling out of control.  I have no fluid in my band, meaning i have ZERO restriction and to make it worse i have been so depressed over the job loss....it was the first time i have ever lost a job!  And also so depressed over not being able to find another full time job.  I just feel lost and like everything is out of my control.  And what do i always do when i am depressed???  You guessed it.  I eat.  I have put on 15 pounds.

To try to combat that for the time being i joined a website WWW.SparkPeople.com They have nutrition trackers and fitness trackers.  You get a spark page that is kinda like facebook for spark members.  There are all sorts of teams you can join.  I even joined an online book club.  I started following their calorie guidelines a week ago and have lost some of the weight.  This is just going to have to do until we can afford for me to go back to a doctor.

Some days my stomach still kills me.  I am taking omeprazole 2 times a day to combat that and the surgeon in Kirksville gave me some antibiotics to help the gastritis .  So that is where i am.  I will be posting on here as it seems to help me keep on track if i write down things.

That being said there are some members of mine and my husbands family that i do not talk to about this stuff at all.  My older sister gave me the i told you so speech when i started having issues.  She was never supportive of me to begin with.   As for my husbands family, i love them to pieces but i do not feel comfortable talking to them about this issue.  I just always feel like i am being judged.  That does not help anyone.  

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Tough Choices

So i got more information from my doctor last week.  My lap band doctor thinks that my worse GERD and all the inflamation in my stomach and the hernia are all due to my lap band.  He said in rare cases the stomach basically rejects the lapband and it causes complications like i have that can lead to ulcers.  He is worried this may happen to me due to my horrible GERD recently.  He suggested that I have a revision done and have the lap band removed and either get the gastric sleeve or gastric bypass.  I have so tough and possibly life changing decisions to make.  I am so confused about what to do.  I made an appointment to go to Columbia Missouri to talk to a doctor that was reccomended by two people to have him go over my information and see what he his suggestion is.  I am just really nervous about it. 

Wednesday, September 14, 2011


So I had my upper GI done.  Gosh drinking that crap is terrible! But while I was there the radiologist told me he saw a large hiatal hernia.  Two days later I met with my surgeon again and we talked options.  He wanted to do a EGD and get a look in there himself.  He said that with a hiatal hernia and the lap band, if it is large, it will have to be repaired.  That freaked me out.  I really do not want to have surgery!  He then removed all the fluid in my band thinking it will releive the burning and also it has to be removed for the scope.  Well it did not stop the burning.  It just made the stomach burn and me hungry all the time!  So I have increased my water intake to help with that!

Last Thursday I had my EGD.  I was expecting the doctor to come see us after i woke up.  However, he had a meeting and could not see me and we were discharged with a follow up appointment.  The next day i called his office( the doctor works for the same group that i work for) and they were closed.  They only work a few hours on friday.

Monday I finally heard from them.  According to the nurse, the doctor did not see a large hiatal hernia.  Just a very small one.  He said I could very well have what is called a traveling hiatal hernia.  Meaning sometimes it is big and sometimes it is not there.  He did not that I have severe gastritis, and severe Duodenitis.  So basically due to the acid reflux and what now is a small hernia my stomach is extremely red and inflamed. They are waiting to get the cultures back on the biopsy's they took.  Gastritis and duodenitis are normally caused by H. Pilori.  I did test negative for this in 2009.  So we will see and also i am testing for Barretts esophagus(SP??) .  I should know those results today or tomorrow.  I just hate waiting.  And my stomach still hurts like hell!

To make matters worse, the surgeon that I just now found is as of 9/28/2011 no longer going to be practicing.  He will be teaching at the medical school in the area.  So now I am left to find a new doctor and the closest one that takes my insurance is in Columbia Missouri 2 hours away!  I am so beyond frustrated !!!! 

Monday, August 29, 2011

A little late but here I am!

Alright here is my background.  My name is Betsy.  I have been overweight for my entire life.  As long as I could remember.  I was miserable for the majority of my life.  Everyone knows that kids are cruel.  The kids at my school were no different.  Not a day went by that I didn’t get made fun of while walking to and from class or even when in class.  It was awful.  I was lucky I had some great friends.  But in 10th grade my Mom moved us to a new town.  The only good thing about the move was that I met my best friend and the woman who was to be my maid of honor when I got married.  The rest of them for the most part ignored me or tormented me.  I was such an unhappy person. 

As I got older, I always had friends but I still was just miserable.  I used food as a comfort and a friend.  I see that now.  I never did before.  When I met the man that would become my husband, whom I met on line, I was terrified that he would hate me when we first me in person.  But I was very happy when my weight did not seem to be an issue to him. 

Right before our wedding in 2009 my boss at the time, had lap band.  And I decided to check it out.  I talked to a few people and then jumped right in.  I, like everyone else thought it would be a quick fix.  That the weight would fall off and it would be easy.  Boy was I wrong.

I went into it with the wrong mindset.  I thought the band would do the work for me.  Surgery recovery was not too bad.  I took the entire 4 weeks off of work because I had the time.  Also because I needed a break from a stressful job.  As I got better, the weight did fall off at first.  But then it halted.  I had my first fill and it got a little better.  But because I was not working so hard, or as hard as I should have , I found ways to eat around my band.  So of course my weight went up and down.

In 2010 my husband and I moved to SE Iowa.  Back to his hometown.  His job in NY transferred him.  But for the first time since I was a teenager, I was unemployed.  I had a very hard time finding a job.  I was also so depressed.  I missed my Dad, my sisters and most of all my 5 year old niece.  When I did find a job it was only part time.  I had a lot of time alone.  I ate a lot and gained more weight. 

When I started working fulltime I hated the job.  The man I worked for was a jerk who treated us like idiots.  But I got motivated to lose weight again when I got a wakeup call.  I saw my primary doctor and my blood pressure was high.  Since I had a hard time finding a lapband doctor that would take on a previously banded patient(yes I was told my 3 offices they would not take me because I already had a band) I joined Weight Watchers and the weight came off nicely.  In February of 2011 I got my current job at a hospital 45 minutes away.  I found Dr David Kermode.  My current Lapband doctor.  I saw him he gave me a fill.  IT was WAY too tight.  I could not even get water down!  So the very next day he took a tiny bit out and I was great.

With my fill and a lot of hard work I have lost almost 40 pounds since February.  I have now lost almost 90 pounds since my first appointment in Buffalo to today.  IT has taken hard work and determination.  People think that the band is going to make it all better.  In truth, it helps, but you have to be willing to work.  People who have the surgery and those supporting us need to realize that it is not a cure all.  You have to want it, you have to work hard.  The band does make it easier but not without you wanting it to work.

Now recently I have been having a lot of problems.  It started months ago with mild heartburn.  That has gotten worse over the past months where the heartburn is now unbearable.  I have tried every medicine over the counter and a few prescription ones.  I went to the doctor last week and told him my symptoms.  Persistent heartburn , waking up at night choking on acid, not being able to keep any food down, somedays not even water.  My doctor told me it is one of 3 things GERD, but with that the medication should work.  It could be a hiatal hernia or a slipped lapband.  I am very nervous about any of them.  Two would mean surgery.  So in 2 days I will be going for a upper GI series of xrays.  I just want to be better.  I am exhausted!